


Always Present

by salesman



Series: Overloaded: Solas POV & Other Stories [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, POV First Person, POV Solas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-24
Updated: 2015-04-24
Packaged: 2018-03-25 12:00:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3809614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salesman/pseuds/salesman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Solas feels awful after speaking with Anna.</p>
<p>
  <span class="small">
    <strong>*WARNING*</strong>
  </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="small">
    <em>This is Overloaded's <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/3487133/chapters/8024730">Ch 36: Present</a> from Solas' point of view. I recommend reading it after Ch 45: Doom Upon the Wolf, but that's just my preference for the reader as the author :)</em>
  </span>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always Present

Anna disappeared from my temple, fading away like a shadow was supposed to. She was a shadow, yes, fleeting and cursory. A mortal with only a glimpse of life promised to her.

She had woken up, leaving the dream I had woven for us. It felt empty, hateful. I changed my surroundings immediately, wanting to escape as quickly as possible. I abhorred my temple. It was only a reminder of my many failings. The slaves that had served me, the fools that had followed me, and the abandoned that had rightfully scorned me.

I chose a quiet corner of the Fade, one I often contemplated in. It was some area in the Frostback Mountains, a forest near a frozen lake. I sat down in the snow, my body feeling none of the cold it should have.

How did my predicament become even more complicated? My countless mistakes were unending, it seemed. Anna told me she loved me, and it was only then I realized the gravity of this aberration. How had I allowed myself to be so attached to this child?

“Anna,” I said aloud, and her name brought spirits forming her shape. They laughed and danced around me, singing promises in my ear.

“Let’s run away, hahren!” one sang, trying to pull me from my seated position. “Just you and me.”

“I’ll tell you all about what happens to your orb, hahren.” This one smiled and winked at me. “If you give me a kiss.”

I ignored their pathetic attempts of seduction and blocked them away with a wave of my hand. I had wronged, Anna, I had. She had grown to love me, and did not deserve such a fate. I had to abandon her, just as I had to abandon vhenan. It was the only way.

Perhaps if we were spirits born in another life, another world, then da’len could be happy with me there. But not in this one. This one ended only in pain.

I hated myself so much for it. I wanted to claw off my skin, tear out my organs. I had only wanted to help, and here I was destroying yet another life. A life that I loved so dearly. Anna.

Suddenly I felt her there, a presence near my physical body. Of course. I had foolishly slept in her room the previous night, wanting to confront her then. But the Fade was always easier, hadn’t I known that by now?

I woke myself instantly, and her tiny fingers were pressed on my cheek. She did not even look upset, only commiserative, her unfathomable compassion taking hold. “I’m sorry,” I apologized again. For everything. For sleeping in your quarters. For abandoning you. For entering your life at all. For being so selfish in loving you.

“It’s okay,” she said softly. She looked so beautiful. Like a siren promising hope. I pressed my forehead to hers, wanting to remain forever there. I had only wanted her happiness, only spent time with her to appease her constant requests... Was it so wrong that I had enjoyed it as well? I was so selfish.

_I love this girl_. Why should I deny it any longer? It had only brought more pain to both of us. If I had accepted my feelings long ago, I could have ended it much sooner. But I was foolish, yet again.

I pulled away, apologizing for sleeping in her bedroom. It was unforgivable, really. She asked if we could eat together, my dear da’len, her precious hand taking mine. I felt sick to my core. Like a disease, a monster. It sunk in the pit of my stomach, filling me in emptiness beyond repair. I told her I could not eat. Possibly never again. The sadness from my loss of her was too immense, too terrible.

I left, and I knew what I had to do. I had to seek Wisdom, I had to ask for advice. Wisdom would know, he could guide me. _I only want Anna happy_.

**Author's Note:**

> And basically after that, he goes to meet Wisdom in the Fade, and they have a little chat, and he convinces Solas that it's okay to be with Anna (as a friend). Heh. This egg.


End file.
